10 of the best Irish jokes on the internet
Life & Style

10 of the best Irish jokes on the internet

When it comes to telling jokes, no one does it quite like the Irish.

Whether it's a funeral wake or visit to a doctor with grave news, no subject is off limits when it comes to Irish gags.

And with Ireland boasting a rich tradition for producing some of the best jokes around, The Irish Post thought it was high time someone celebrated 10 of the very best.

Here are 10 Classic Irish Jokes to make you laugh and remind you of home...

10. The Priest


An Irish priest is driving along a country road when a policeman pulls him over. He immediately smells alcohol on the priest's breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car.

He says: "Have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The cop replies: "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says: "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

Laughing at Irish jokes.

9. The Quickest Way To Cork


Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.

Paddy says: "Are you on foot or in the car?"

Billy replies: "In the car." "Well that's the quickest way," says Paddy.

8. One Last Shot

Paudie goes into a bar and orders seven shots of tequila and one Guinness.

The barman lines up shots and goes to get the Guinness.

When he comes back with the pint, all seven shots are gone.


The barman says: "Wow! You sure drank those fast."

Paudie explains: "You would drink fast too if you had what I have."

The barman asks: "What do you have?"

The guy reaches into his pocket and says: "Fifty cents!"

7. The Car Park

An Irishman is struggling to find a parking space.

"Lord," he prayed. "I can't stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I'll give up the Guinness and go to mass every Sunday."


Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the Irishman says: "Never mind, I found one!"

Laughing at Irish jokes.

6. Taking Out An Advert

"Is that the Ballycashel Echo?" asks Mick.

"How much would it be to put an ad in your paper?"

"Five pounds an inch," a woman replies. "Why? What are you selling?"

"A ten-foot ladder," said Mick before slamming the phone down.


5. Three Brothers

An Irishman goes into a bar in America and orders three whiskeys. The barman asks: "Would it be better for if I put all three shots in one glass?"

The Irishman replies: "No! I have two other brothers back at home, so every time I come into a pub, I order a shot for them both."

The following week, the Irishman orders just two whiskeys.

The barman asks: "Did something happen one of your brothers?" "Oh no," replies the Irishman. "I just decided to quit drinking!"

4. Man's Best Friend

Gerry Connors walked his dog through the village every day.


One day Mr Connors is on his walk without the dog.

His pal Billy sees him and asks: "Where is your dog?" Mr Murphy answers: "I had to have him put down." "Was he mad," asks Billy.

"He wasn't too pleased," Mr Murphy replies.

Laughing at Irish jokes.

3. Visiting The Doctor

Dr O'Mahony tells his patient: "I have bad news and worse news, John."

"Oh dear," John replies. "What's the bad news?" asks the patient.


The doctor replies: "You only have 24 hours to live."

"That's terrible," says the patient. "How can the news possibly be worse?"

Dr O'Mahony replies: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."

2. Digging A Hole

Two Irishmen were working in the public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in.

After a while, one amazed onlooker said: "Why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"

The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick."


1. The Grieving Widow

A sobbing Ms Murphy approaches Fr O'Grady after mass.

He says: "So what's bothering you?"

She replies: "Oh, Father, I've terrible news. My husband passed away last night."

The priest says: "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Did he have any last requests?"

"Certainly father," she replied. "He said: "Please Mary, put down that damn gun."