GAA made simple

AH the GAA.

The backbone of rural Ireland.

A late sadly lamented journalist once explained why Gaelic games are so popular in Ireland.

“They combine two of the worst elements of the Irish character. A liking for violence and committees,” he said.

He went as far as to say that, at the time, the Soviet Union was a whole country run on the lines of the GAA.

The organisation certainly has its own language. When you tie the referee up and lock him in the boot of his car, sure, it’s just local colour now, isn’t it.

So with that in mind, and indeed the events of the Louth v Meath football match still at the forefront of the news agenda in Ireland, this column is proud to provide a full guide to the words, expressions and descriptions currently prevailing in the sport.

Bollix — the referee.

Mighty bollix — also the referee (but not to be confused with ‘mighty’, as in good.

Hames — a total mess.

Timber — used as an imprecation of threat, eg, “Show him some timber ye boy ye”.

Lamp (vb) — a good thump.

Schkelp — to deliver a serious, wounding blow to an opponent.

Rake — a great amount of anything, usually pints of Guinness the night before an important match.

Leh-It-In-Ta-F*ck-Wud-Ya — full forward’s appeal to a midfielder for a more timely delivery of the pass.

All-Hell-Broke-Loose — a massive row that continues out in the parking area or dressing room areas, usually resolved by the gardaí. Expect something along these lines during the next meeting between Louth and Meath.